??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
