sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
