Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
