We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
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he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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