My hand turned me down
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
