I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize