so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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