After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
