i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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