I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
MIDGETS
????
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
