u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
