So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
