I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
