Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
