she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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