my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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