I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
