I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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