you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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