Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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