Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
