Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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