Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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