I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
