The maid of honor just puked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
