Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
