I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
