His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
