I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
