dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This baby is an asshole
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
