We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
