Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
