I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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