I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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