Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
