look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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