lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone came in the potted fern
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
