How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
