mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
