I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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