let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
