Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
worst night to have a conscience
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
