just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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