census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
