just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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