yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
