You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
