yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I want is dick and wine.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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