Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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