I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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