I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
