My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
