You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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