I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
