Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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