I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
PANTIES FOUND
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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