the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
