i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i think i just lost a toe
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
