Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
