mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
